Entries from March 2009 ↓

Baskets have been around since time immemorial. The stork brings a baby in a basket; the first settlers to the great Americas arrived in giant baskets; it’s very possible that the universe was in a basket before it exploded, or, if you will, banged big. A common, and as I read it, unfunny joke that is told around college campuses is all about someone who might be labeled “lazy” or “stupid”. This person would take Basket Weaving 101. Baskets. Laundry baskets. Grocery baskets. Collection baskets. Baskets abound. But today, I’m going to focus on 3 specific types of baskets. Don’t worry, SHELVES will appear here as well, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise. First, let’s consider the Basket as DEATHTRAP:

This basket is usually a basket that has been designed for other purposes, but through a strange series of events, has become something entirely bad. Like, say, a magazine basket that harbors a giant tarantula that has a taste for human flesh. Or a hot air balloon basket that has caught the fiery remains of a bad morning out over wine country – and has converted itself into an express elevator to hell. This is the type of basket you don’t want any part of. Next, let us consider the Basket as WACKY CHILDHOOD FUN:

Easter wouldn’t be as Bunny-rific without the basket. The basket, in this case, is the perfect delivery device to bring borderline-lethal amounts of sugar and fake grass to children. Candy-colored and fun to look at, these baskets usually arrive only once a year, which is good, because calories. That childhood obesity issue is as sad as it is funny, but you don’t want any part of that, either. At least for the children. The poor, defenseless children, who need all the help they can get. A child who weighs 174 pounds in not is not wacky, nor is the child fun. But Easter is both wacky AND fun. Finally, lets consider the Basket as UNDERSHELF MESH:

Yes. Yes indeed. That’s a mesh basket, attached to a shelf. A SHELF. Shelves Blog. Whether you need more room in your closet, kitchen cabinets, or bathroom, this Undershelf Shelf Mesh Basket is a basket that is here to help. Especially if you have a shelf that needs the addition of a basket. This sleek basket slides easily onto the shelf, and guess what? You get instant storage space. That’s pretty cool. And this Undershelf Mesh Basket that I found on Stacks And Stacks is perfect, if you have shelf that you need to plus, as you would with a mesh basket that holds additional items. Perfection achieved. You’ll love the design, you’ll love the ease of use, and you’ll be given the opportunity to purchase the mesh shelf in either Small or large size. So, as you can see, baskets play a vital and robust role in today’s modern landscape.  And so on.

The Undershelf Mesh Basket.  Highly Recommended.

Many things in this world are adjustable. Actually, almost anything is adjustable, if you try hard enough (just don’t count on it staying in the same shape it was in previously, West Virginians). Adjustable is freedom; adjustable is flexibility. Adjustable is customizability. Adjustable is neat. But sometimes you can get carried away with adjustability. Take the human body. Adjustable? Sure, sometimes. If by adjustable you mean changing hair color, face lift, heart transplant, and such. But in the days of violent, godless antiquity, some folks decided to adjust human bodies, on racks. These adjustments were often painful, and often permanent. Oftentimes, if you didn’t give up the demonic, satanic spirit within your body, the adjustments would cancel out your ticket to earth. You would then have to adjust to the afterlife. Many times in life you must adjust to horrible, maddening situations. There’s no way around it: you have to eat what you’ve been served, no matter how hellish and mind-numbing. Life is cruel; life is a waking nightmare. Even when you’re in an inescapable situation, you can adjust. Subtle, minute adjustments — just to keep yourself sane. To keep yourself from doing something that would cause others to think you may be possessed by a demonic, satanic spirit. It’s all about adjustments. Other fine words in our collective vernacular bullseye the concept of adjustable. One of these words is “expand”. Now imagine if you could take the concept of expansion, and add it to a shelf? Then that shelf would become adjustable.

With this triumphant Spice Rack Expand-A-Shelf from Stacks And Stacks, you have the power to adjust the Spice Rack, without tying it to a medieval torture device and stretching. The Expand-A-Shelf is much easier than that. It allows you to find spices fast! The multi-tiered design of the awesome Expand-A-Shelf makes it easy to see and access spices, condiments, toiletries and other supplies that tend to get hidden behind larger items stored on shelves. If that doesn’t define awesome, then you may as well strike the adjustable definition as well, for as long as the Expand-A-Shelf can expand, it is not only adjustable, but awesome. It’s also useful for showcasing collectibles in display cabinets, if that’s what you’ve chosen to do with your life. This sturdy white plastic stair step system expands (smaller section slides out of larger section) to fit most shelving (cheers!), and helps keep your cabinets and cupboards organized. Best of all? It’s available in 2 and 3 tier versions. That’s adjustable, very adjustable.

The Spice Rack - Expand-A-Shelf. Highly Recommended.

Coughing and sneezing and hacking and wheezing. It’s awful. And this season has been a real doozy for people getting sick. It’s outrageous how vicious and determined this cold and flu bug must be. Influenza and the common cold. Vicious, evil, deadly killers. Or at least killers of time. If we could estimate the time used up by America’s workforce being sick, you’d be blown away. Well over 16,000,000,000 hours, which translates to 126 billion dollars in sick time spread over a 12 month period. Can you imagine? It’s enough to make you sick! And it’s not just the days spent out that are killing the country, it’s time spent in the office or out shopping, with the coughing and sneezing and hacking and wheezing. It spreads the deadly influenza and common cold like a plague, which it is. And I can tell you, no one likes listening to someone cough, sneeze, hack, or wheeze. I sure don’t like listening to it. It’s disgusting. And that’s why a medicine shelf is a must for these people. A shelf on which to stack all those medications, elixirs, and nonsense that the pharmaceutical companies have assured sick people will “cure” them. Shelves exactly like the Easy To Assemble Recessed Medicine Cabinet from our friends at Stacks and Stacks.

It keeps everything the sick need to get well, right there on a shelf, where they need it. With these wonderful Recessed Medicine Cabinets there is no need to hire an installer. You can mount them yourself with ease. Simply find the studs in your wall, cut a hole into the dry wall using a drywall knife, apply the adhesive that comes with each cabinet, and slide the adhesive ready cabinet carefully into the hole. Ahh…simplicity at it’s best! And because each cabinet is made from high quality wood (Oak and Maple) you can rest assured knowing that your custom medicine cabinet will last. The cabinets are available in a host of colors, and each cabinet comes with one tube of adhesive. But I don’t need this shelf, as I don’t subscribe to this phantom floating cold and flu virus theory. I believe strongly that these “sick” people are just suffering from excessive internal psychological pain and upset. I firmly believe that all of this illness is psychosomatic. MENTAL and EMOTIONAL STRESS are the true cause. How else to explain why EVERYONE doesn’t get sick from these lethal cold and flu virus seasons, even in close quarters with the “sick”. Because they don’t. No shelf enthusiasts, I’m here to tell you — the “sick” are only sick in the head. Some doctors will tell you the truth, that when a weakened immune system is susceptible to normal, average, everyday viruses — that immune system was weakened by emotional stress and mental upset. Doctors like John Sarno, MD, who will tell you, right to your face, that your “sickness” is all psychological, metal, emotional. So get over it, America. In today’s turbulent economic climate, there is no time for either a workforce out sick, or emotional cry-babies. Because they are the same thing. And they’re wasting everyone’s time. So get Dr. Sarno’s book, and put it right on your bookshelf. Forget that medicine shelf. Even one as cool as the Easy To Assemble Recessed Medicine Cabinet. And so on.

The Easy To Assemble Recessed Medicine Cabinet.  Highly Recommended.

I read an article today that chilled me to the bone. It froze me with fear. It covered me with a frost of dread. It turns out all of man’s innovations like chimney smoke, factories and gasoline are ruining the environment. All of these innovations are melting the polar ice caps. The actual ice that makes up the north and south poles. These ice shelves will then raise the ocean level, killing us all. After the water rises, and dry land becomes the most precious commodity on the planet, bands of thieving, dangerous nomads will sail the globe, attacking the survivors. It will be a living hell, an unbearable living nightmare, a nightmare in which the living envy the dead. We as humans will have effectively ruined the very place we were born, destroying our place in the universe forever. The good news is that until then we can still order shelves for the home, shelves not unlike these terrific deluxe 4-level floating wall shelf from Stacks And Stacks.

Forget all that doom and gloom — go ahead and make a bold statement! This amazing shelving unit is constructed of sturdy northern hardwoods, the very hardwoods that will disappear when seas rise. This display shelf offers simplistic design while providing a space-saving solution for collectible and photo display. It’s basically a nic nac shelf is that is attractive and functional at the same time, giving you the best of both worlds! Spaces in between the shelves are of differing sizes so you can display anything from small figurines to hardcover books in the same convenient area. And as long as you still have a home with walls, it can safely hold a total of 25 lbs. Best of all, you can order the unit in either Unfinished wood or these killer finishes: Natural, Walnut, White, Dark Cherry, Black, Chocolate, Honey and Mahogany! And until the end of days, it’ll make a great addition to your home or office! And so on.

The Wall Shelf Deluxe Four Level. Recommended.

(NOTE TO READERS: The Author has never been to jail, does not condone going to jail, and hopes the majority of his readers are not currently serving time in the prison system.)

If there is anything worse than going to jail, anything at all, it’s probably going to jail and being placed inside a cell that has no shelves. Shelves on which to put your belongings. Assuming you have no contraband, most non-3rd-world prisons should allow you a few amenities such as books, cardboard jigsaw puzzles, and personal care items. Imagine for a moment, a dark moment, that the warden has provided no shelf for theses items. What then? Imagine still, you have a roommate in your cell. And they have items. Can you imagine the nightmare, if no shelving units are provided? All those items, no shelves, no luck. Obviously you should never have committed a crime in the first place, or at the very least paid for a better defense attorney, but now that you’re in a jail cell, trapped with no shelves, what is there to do? How can you get by? Shelves Blog reader Martin Burney has written to me many times about this very issue. (Martin was shot three times in the chest, recovered, and is now serving a life sentence in Massachusetts for attempted murder. That’s not a pretty story — but in the plus column, Martin is as obsessed with shelves as I am. Sometimes you have to look past the bad to see the good.) Well, Martin — and other unfortunates in adult correctional facilities the world over — I have the solution. Have a look at this fine Metal Wall Shelf from Stacks And Stacks.

It’s a triumph of design and simplicity, and your warden shouldn’t have problems with it: all-metal construction means that the shelf can’t shaved down into a shank, or used to tunnel out though a wall to undeserved freedom. And durable? You better believe it. This beast can hold up to 150 pounds, which is probably WELL OVER the amount of aforementioned personal items that you’ll be allowed, anyway. It’s convenient, easy to mount, and affordable. (Martin tells me he makes money from doing the laundry and working in the library, but it’s not much — and most of the prison economy consists of cigarettes and favors, anyway. I don’t think Stacks accepts cigarettes as a form of payment. Sorry, Martin. You’ll have to put on some extra hours cleaning jumpsuits.) For readers who aren’t in prison, I would also suggest this shelf — but maybe for the garage, or a home consisting of EXTREMELY modern and minimalist decor. Tough, classy, and easy to clean, the Metal Wall Shelf is what it says and does what it is. And so on.

The Metal Wall Shelf. Recommended,