Entries from July 2010 ↓

SECRETS REVEALED: “INCEPTION” is really about Shelves.

I went to the movies because my house doesn’t have air conditioning and it was hot enough to melt the heat-resistant carbon panel tiles right off the Space Shuttle Columbia. I waited in line to purchase my ticket to see Cats and Dogs 2: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, because when animals talk it’s funny. But the movie was sold out because it was 3-D, and all good movies are 3-D. So I had to see the only movie that wasn’t in 3-D, just to flee this bad, hot weather. The movie was called INCEPTION, and it was confusing. It was terribly confusing. Confusing as trying to put an Amiga back together after smashing it with a baseball bat. I went back to my hot house, angry and confused, and tried to sleep. That’s when it hit me. What people have gotta understand is that INCEPTION is all about SHELVES.

Think about it. OK, good. Now, I’m going to totally spoil the movie, and sometimes people get cross when other people do that, but it’s OK this time because it’s about shelves. It’s a bit like a jerk audience member spoiling the secrets of a great magician, but hey, everyone knows that magic is fake and phony; that 99 percent of what they say is falsehood anyway; that it’s all smoke and mirrors just to get that ticket money right out of your hand. With that in mind, I’ll explain the film INCEPTION completely and totally, without any unnecessary confusion. At last, if the film confused you, this information will set you free:

START AT THE TOP. Often faux-professionals will begin their shelf cleaning in any manner they see fit, wasting valuable time and energy. This is wrong. Start from the top, work your way down. If you are dusting, use clockwise circular motions, and keep a fresh Swiffer nearby.

SHELVES DO NOT NEED TO BE DUSTED EVERY DAY. Wednesdays and Sundays are fine.

TO REMOVE A SHELF LINER WITH MINIMAL FUSS. Use WD-40.

CONTROL A SHELF, AS YOU WOULD TRAIN AN ANIMAL. Do not give it an inch. Items that are used everyday usually end up staying on shelves, and clutter them from one end to the other. Don’t allow this.

EXCESSIVE SHELVES SOMETIMES CREATE A DANGEROUS VORTEX. What about having ONE shelf above a sink to keep a shaver and accessories on? These types of shelves are handy, easy to reach, off of the countertop and can double as décor if done correctly. Too many shelves in one place at one time will promote clutter, laziness, and disharmony. Junk flocks to excess shelves like the Bermuda Triangle.

DO NOT THINK OUT OF THE BOX. THERE IS NO BOX. Soon you will see, it is not you holding the duster, staring at the shelf; it is only yourself. The shelf is a reflection. Take the “h” out of “shelf”. See what it is you find then.

HAVE FUN. People always forget to let sunshine into their lives… SMILE. When you finish the cleaning, there is always the promise of more cleaning to come.

And there you go. INCEPTION. I’m going to add one more bonus secret for you, while we’re on the subject of 5 levels of the subconscious. I’m going to INTRODUCE AN IDEA RIGHT INTO YOUR MIND. The 5 Shelf Heavy Duty Steel Storage Rack from Stacks and Stacks:

Like INCEPTION, this is a beautiful, dynamic piece, perfect for any room. Could it be a bathroom shelf? Of course, it’s perfect for towels and bathroom accessories! Use it in the living room for books? Sure can! It would even be an attractive alternative to a bakers rack in your kitchen. Each shelf easily holds up to twenty pounds, and the attractive contemporary design adds a modern twist to any decor. Constructed of metal and plastic resin, The 5 Shelf Heavy Duty Steel Storage Rack is sure to please!

Now you have no excuse not be organized and efficient, and you can’t say you don’t understand INCEPTION.

The 5 Shelf Heavy Duty Steel Storage Rack. Highly Recommended.

So is INCEPTION.

I am in love with Shelves. I am also in love with Edward. Who will win my heart?

I discovered recently that a close second to my enthusiasm for shelves and shelving is my passion for the Twilight series. And by Twilight series I mean characters. And by characters I mean Edward. There is something about him that parallels the dash, grace and sex appeal that I find in wall shelves. Something dependable, something attractive, something immortal. Wall shelves will never let you down, never stop looking their best, never go away. I realized that my feelings for the character of Edward had become so strong, I had placed my copies of the Twilight series in reverse order on the bookshelf, so I could read them backwards, ending with my fan-fiction prequel where Edward and I constructed shelves outside in the fresh mountain air, on a sawhorse, next to a rustic smokehouse, somewhere in Forks Oregon. I like to think of Edward often, so I purchased this Delightful 12 x 12 Floating Corner Shelf from Stacks And Stacks to help with the task!

This amazing shelf allows you to make the most of wasted corners! Ideal for showcasing hand-signed photos of Edward, giving you the mighty power to enhance any room with a look that is classic and enduring — and the shelf isn’t bad either! The Corner Shelf is a stylish and spacious addition to your decor, and you can feel free to use it throughout your home wherever a corner calls! It’s safe, no studs needed, all mounting hardware included. Edward, if you are really out there somewhere, I hope you read this blog, and know that if you ever need shelf suggestions, I’m the one for you. Not that bitch Bella.

The Delightful 12 x 12 Floating Corner Shelf. Recommended.